So what if homosexuality were a choice? (Don’t yell at me, I know it’s not.)

I love everything about pride events- almost. I love the energy. I love feeling like you can be whoever you want to be and still have unconditional love, support, and acceptance. Of course, I love the rainbows. I am also a big fan of all the tough, badass looking bikers sporting leather jackets and rainbow flags. Yet I dread all the signs that say “Homosexuality is not a choice!” or “We didn’t choose to be gay!”

Being gay is NOT a choice. I was born this way. There’s nothing anyone can say or do to change my sexuality. I know that. Anyone with half a brain knows that.

But why does it matter? Why is the queer community so determined to prove this?

I feel like by responding to homophobia with this argument, we are begging close-minded, conservative bigots to accept, and even pity, us because we couldn’t choose our “defect.” That if we weren’t born this way, obviously, we’d all choose to be normal heterosexuals.

It makes me angry. I love women. If I had the choice, I think I’d continue to love women.

Distress Tolerance!

There are tons and tons of websites and books and magazines for you to read up on distress tolerance. But I’ve found that websites list the same ideas (and all equally unhelpful, in my humble opinion). So I’ve put together a list of things that may be helpful.

So read through the list, print it out, and star some of the ones that you think may work for you for different situations. Prepare ahead. And if you find they don’t work, pick other ones.

Activities:

• Go to the park
• Go to the beach
• Go to the zoo
• Go to the aquarium
• Catch up on some chores
• Re-organize/arrange a room in your house.
• Go window shopping (I try to avoid buying things during a crisis because it tends to be an impulsive purchase)
• Online shop
• Watch a movie or TV show
• Do school work (I avoid studying when I am very emotional but I find I write some of my best essays when I’m upset/angry)
• Download a new game on your phone
• Read a book/magazine
• Paint
• Make friendship bracelets (beads, gimp, etc.)
• Color (coloring books are my fav)
• Playdough/pottery/sculpting
• Make a collage
• Scrapbook!
• Try a new recipe
• Practice playing an instrument
• Get a massage
• Get your nails done
• Check out a sensory deprivation tank (ex. http://ifloatspa.net)
• Go swimming
• Play a sport (if you are alone, you can play basketball and tennis by yourself)
• Swing
• Go to a museum
• Take a train/ferry/bus somewhere, just for the trip (make sure you are not being impulsive, let people know where you are going, avoid going anywhere you don’t know in the dark, carry a cell phone, etc.)
• Meditate
• Yoga
• Go for a run **not the best coping strategy if you are suffering from an ED**
• Go to the gym **not the best coping strategy if you are suffering from an ED**
• Do a work out video **not the best coping strategy if you are suffering from an ED**
• Dance
• Journal
• Try to write a book (who knows!)
• Take selfies
• Plant a flower
• Start a garden
• Take a nap
• Call/text a friend
• Go to church
• Start a blog!
• Hike
• Set up a train track/dominos (it’s actually kinda fun)
• Do a puzzle
• Plan a trip for another day
• Get your eyebrows waxed/shaped
• Go for a walk
• Take your dog for a walk
• Take your friend for a walk
• Tie-dye something

Contribute:

• Volunteer (This is a perfect coping strategy that I find very helpful, but a majority of the time you have to call ahead and have a set time/day to volunteer. During a crisis you can research places to volunteer, if you do not volunteer already, call and ask about the process, etc. Once you do that, work volunteering into your schedule!)
• Cook a meal and bring it to the soup kitchen (call ahead to make sure they will accept it)
• Bake cookies/muffins/brownies and deliver them to someone who needs them.
• Write letters to someone with cancer (http://www.girlslovemail.com)
• Write a love letter for More Love Letters. For real, it’s a super cool project. (http://www.moreloveletters.com)
• Write a letter to soldiers (http://adoptaussoldier.org)
• Write a letter to someone you love
• Offer to babysit (make sure you can handle this emotionally, kids can be great but they can also be draining)
• Volunteer as a listener on http://www.7cupsoftea.com
• Go to a pet store/animal shelter to play with the dogs/cats

Thoughts:

• Do the times tables in your head
• Sing the alphabet
• Mindfully avoid stepping on cracks of the sidewalk (if you are walking)
• Look around and guess what each person’s profession is (if you are in public)
• Plan out your future home
• Think about your future career (unless this is a stressor for you)
• Look through old photos and remember happy times
• Breathing exercises (ex. inhale through nose for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, repeat for 5-10 minutes)
• Guided imagery (plenty of videos on YouTube)
• Play the “color game” in your head (pick a color and name everything in the room that color, continue with other colors until you feel better)
• Make lists (It can be deep, like things that you appreciate in life, or all the stores that start with “b”, your call.)
• Look up inspirational quotes and lyrics and put them somewhere you can see

Sensations:

• Take a cold shower
• Splash cold water on your face
• Hold ice cubes
• If you are inside go outside, if you are outside go inside
• Sit in a bean bag chair
• Make slime (http://chemistry.about.com/cs/howtos/ht/slime.htm)
• Listen to soothing music/sounds
• Chew minty gum
• Eat something spicy
• Eat something sour
• Use a weighted blanket/vest/lap pad
• Blow up balloons
• Look into purchasing some sensory products (http://www.especialneeds.com/sensationproducts.html)
• Blow bubbles
• Eat chocolate
• Order delivery food you’ve been craving
• Lay in the sunshine
• Hug someone
• Kiss someone
• Make-out with someone
• Have sex (I don’t recommend random sex while you are in an emotional crisis. Just in case.)
• Brush your hair. Or better yet, have someone else brush your hair.

Remember this is just a start. There are plenty more ideas. I’ll continue to add more. Leave comments with any other coping skills that work for you!

Now what?

I don’t look like a lesbian, or even that I’m the slightest bit interested in women. Unless it’s to have a threesome with my boyfriend of course. That’s what they tell me at least. Therefore, nobody believes me when I “come out” to them.

It’s fine. I can take my friends and family thinking I’m going through a phase and those in the LGBT community think I’m just trying to be trendy. But how will I ever get a girlfriend if nobody even believes I’m gay?

I go to a Catholic college that apparently all the other gay people were smart enough not to go to. I live in a small town and although the community is quite accepting, there isn’t a visible LGBT community. The cities nearby have gay bars but the majority are geared towards gay men. And those that aren’t still attract mainly gay men and much older women. Plus I’m underage.. Even though it hasn’t stopped me before.

And it doesn’t help that I’m interested in other feminine girls.

So now what? Should I throw away my make-up and dresses and buy some flannel? Or just try to be straight again, since it sounds just about impossible for me to meet anyone?

Grr.

What’s in your crisis kit?

I’ve been in lots of therapy. I’ve been on lots of medication. I’ve been diagnosed with lots of disorders I may or may not actually have.

I can safely say I hate therapy. Everything about it. Thinking about my feelings. Talking about my feelings. Knowing I’m paying someone listening to me talk about my feelings… And particularly those awkward moments when you start bawling and can’t talk.

Then I discovered DBT and my life has been forever changed. One of my favorite skills I’ve learned is a “self-soothe” or “crisis survival” kit.

Basically you prepare ahead of time for an emotional crisis. Figure out what will get you through anger, depression, anxiety, etc. and put it (or reminders of it) in a bag, box, jar, whatever. It’s fun and creative!

So tomorrow I’m going to put mine together! I think I’ll keep it on my desk as a constant reminder. Some things I’m going to put in are…
shells
headphones (reminder to listen to music)
set of watercolor paint
hand lotion

I don’t know what else! I’ll have to see what the dollar store has.

What would you put in your crisis survival jar?

Hey, it’s dark in here!

Being a teenager is hard. Being in college is hard. Heck, life is hard. Multiply that by having to hide who you are, live a double life, in constant fear that someone will discover you, and feel shameful of your love. It’s HARD. It sucks.

I want out of this damn closet. So here is my list of ways I am considering to make the big announcement.

Wear outfits with all seven colors of the rainbow. ALWAYS.
Hire a flash mob.
Chop my hair.
Climb a mountain and shout it from the top.
Walk around carrying a sign that says, “I’m gay.”
Throw a coming out party.
Go to a concert and ask the performer to give a gay shout-out (preferably Lady Gaga)
Hire a sky writer.
Pick up softball, rugby, or field hockey.
Wear flannels, lots of flannels.
Throw away my make-up.
Throw away my razor.
Adopt a cat. Preferably more than one.
Constantly talk about the L Word.
Send lesbian magazines to my parents’ house, in my name.
Transfer to Smith College.
Major in women’s studies.
Give them books for parents with gay children.
Give them a mug/shirt/bumpersticker that says “My kid is gay.”
March in a pride parade and photo-bomb every news photographer.

Or… society can just stop assuming everyone is straight. Stop asking little girls if they have boyfriends and little boys if they have boyfriends. Do not hide LGBT couples from your child. Regardless of your views, do not talk poorly on them in front of your children. As your children grow up, make it clear that you will be happy with whomever they love.

In this case you could…
Stay up late talking with your mom about the hot girl in your math class.
Tell your dad about the hot boy on the football team while throwing the baseball around.
Bring your girlfriend/boyfriend home and introduce him/her as your boyfriend/girlfriend.

Why does society make it so hard to be ourselves? Isn’t life hard enough already?

The Anti-Bucket List

I hope you’re all familiar with the term “bucket list.” It’s basically a bunch of crazy things you want to, but probably won’t, do before you die. So I was thinking, do people ever think to make a list of things they don’t want to do? After all, that’s probably more important.

So I decided to make my own “anti-bucket list.” Here it goes, things I hope I never, ever do.
1. Break a bone.
2. Get in an car accident.
3. Get arrested.
4. Hit my child.
5. Get a divorce.
6. Make my child feel ashamed/bad about themselves.
7. Be fired.
8. Accept defeat.
9. Change for someone.
10. Stop learning.
11. Wear mom jeans.
12. Get plastic surgery.
13. Stop speaking to my family.
14. Be greedy.
15. Be a Republican. (See above)
16. Allow someone to treat me wrong.

I could go on and on, but I’ll spare you. Anyone have things to add?

Sums up humanity

This month I decided to check one item off my bucket list “Do one random act of kindness every day for a month.” So because I am so pathetically uncreative, I consulted Pinterest for ideas.

Can I just say…if these are considered random acts of kindness, I’m a freakin saint. Hold the door open for someone. Say thank you. Don’t be annoying. FOR REAL?!? It’s concerning that any of these are random, or acts of kindness. How about acts of common courtesy?

So anyways, I came up with a list of what I consider random acts of kindness and I’m pumped to do them (and post about it!)

Here goes nothing…

In my freshman undergrad English class we learned you have to write to figure out why the hell you’re writing in the first place. I guess that’s kinda what I’m doing right now.

For some reason I had a whim to start a blog. If you keep reading, and I keep writing, you’ll realize this happens quite frequently. Anyways, this could be my last post, or this could be my first post of many. Who knows. Not me, that’s for sure.

I think this is where I tell you a little about me. Okay, who am I kidding, I have no idea what I’m supposed to be saying right now. But it just feels right. I’m also gonna do it in list form, cause quite the fan of lists (you’ll notice that eventually too.)

– 19
– Connecticut
– Nursing student (who occasionally wants to gauge out her eyes, but in reality is pumped to be able to rock her scrubs)
– Nanny of the most adorable kids on the planet
– Enjoys friends, family (usually), floating in my pool, working out, tennis, and Greys

Well, that wasn’t so bad.